By Victor Edegbai
A few weeks ago, I resolved not to drink alcohol again for 100 days. It started well. I even celebrated day 10. Then the devil looked through his reading glasses and said “SHEY THEY SAY SOMETHING MUST KILL A MAN. This man that used to change girls 3 times a week, he married and stopped, he no dey smoke again, even this small alcohol wey I take hold am, he wan stop am. Let me review his case”.
So on day 11, my friend Gabriel paid me a visit. Since I knew him, he has always been a juice person. He will even bend his mouth one kind when rejecting your gesture of alcohol and tell you “THESE THINGS GIVE YOU HIGH COLLESTEROOOOOOL”, rolling his tongue to ensure the “L” in the roll keeps rolling. I brought out chivita for him. Very cold one, even got two glasses so that I can drink too. My friend said VIC, YOU NO GET GULDER ?………………………I was overwhelmed by the question not because he asked for Beer but because the speed with which my brain processed the word GULDER was giving me chills. Those who know me knows that GULDER is to me what 3 million dollars is to an Abuja slay queen. I began to feel internal heat, my throat became dry all of a sudden, my eyes felt hot. All I could think of was how sweet it will be for the cold Gulder to pass by.
But God no dey fail. I gently told Gabriel to manage the chivita, that I no get any drink for house. And the devil was not done using Gabriel yet, because the next thing he said was “OYA MAKE WE GO MAYA NOW. MAKE WE GO CHILL THERE.” I didnt want to be a snobbish friend, so I joined him in his car.
The distance from my house to MAYA lounge was about 15 minutes. Gabriel tuned to a radio station. I dont know how possible it was that for a whole 15 minutes through the journey the radio station was advertising different brand of drinks. From Martel to Glenfidich, to 33 Export, to Baileys . It was as if the radio was hosting a program called WINE TASTING HOUR, and Gabriel was a good commentator. Apparently, between the last day I saw him and today, he has tasted alcohol and suddenly fell in love with it the way a boy begins to love pussy after having it for the first time .
We got to Maya. I held my resolve . He drank Gulder, I took a non alcoholic cocktail, ate snail and gave gist to distract me from the chillness of the drink Gabriel was drinking. Then the devil opened my eyes to another wonder. In front of me, without a care, not minding who was looking, two beautiful girls with the most gorgeous shape, and curves and skin glow I have ever seen, succulent 16 for that matter, were kissing passionately . One dipped her hands into the divide of the thighs of the other as her own boobs were being mashed politely like freshly boiled potatoes. And the moaning was so loud that it subdued the music. And the two of them turned to me and winked with a smile.
Suddenly I felt fire between my legs. It was raging. I was so turned on that it felt like my preek has increased inside without using any organic product that promises growth being sold every where. The devil just opened my eyes to what I hadn’t known, that I could be excited by lesbians. Within seconds I was thinking of threesome . Gabriel didnt even know what was happening. It was as if the devil had made him dead and unaware for failing to succeed with the drink. I motioned to the girls to come over. They hurriedly came to sit with us. One of them snuggled close to me while the other held Gabriel tight and oga who did not know the origin of the consignment begin catch feelings as if they had known each others for years. I beckoned on the bar man to bring drink.
I was about to enter Glenfidich 22 years when God showed his power. My phone rang. It was my wife calling. She had gone to pick waybill and saw that Gabriel car was still parked outside. She wanted to know if I am still there so she can join us and we can go home together. I nearly said NO, I was not there, but grandpa ministered to me and I said YES.
It turned out that one of her customers was at the lounge too with her husband and she apparently called my wife and said SEE AS YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND JUST DEY DO LOVING LOVING. My wife antenae cannot miss that message, so on her way back from picking waybill, she redirect her route. Omo, I told the girls to gbess!. My preek shrink, Gabriel sober, I call bar man, we pay bill, table clear. Everything in less than one minute.
Well las las me and my wife went back home together and Gabriel may never come to my house yagain because the eye wey my wife take look am eh!.
This morning on my way to work, I am seeing that every store is now selling Beer. The Devil is still at work oh, but I know God will prevail .
Barr. Victor Edegbai AKA Grandpa is a father of many nations, positive thinker, and friend of many. I like trouble , because I be lawyer.
