– edited by Akujobi Sulaiman Eze
This week social media is awash with various versions of the story of a middle aged well-to-do man who died from complications of a stroke. His friends and supporters say he died of heartbreak. The source of his heartbreak as they narrated was his wife who absconded to the United States with his 2 children avoiding and ignoring all entreaties to return them. Rather she approached the American consulate to file for assylum claiming threats to her life from her husband. They also claim she took steps to convince the American government to bar him from entering the United States. The culprit at the heart of the whole matter is the Managing Director (MD) of one of Nigerias top Banks who is said to have fathered the 2 children with the late mans wife. The MD is said to have sustained a passionate relationship with the late mans wife throughout the duration of their marriage and while she was working at the Bank as an Executive Assitant directly under the Managing Director. New information coming to light from friends of the couple have even revealed that the Bank MD was already in the picture prior to the marriage
While claims and counter claims or accusations continue to flood the airwaves many say this story (which is still very hot in the media) has once again brought to the fore the need for men to carry out verification of patternity of children in their marriage. Strange, obscene and humorous as it may sound this opinion is gaining ground……fast. In fact many ladies are continuing to advise and insist that men go do Deoxyribonucleic Acid tests (DNA tests) to verify the actual paternity of each and every child in their care that their wife claims he has fathered. Because, as the ladies say, they are aware that many of their female friends are deceiving their husbands about the paternity of their children. And once again at the begining of this 2021 infidelity in marriages has been brought to the fore.
As victims and friends of victims continue to share their stories of marital deception and paternity fraud it is beginning to come to light what Nigerian marriages truly are. A sespool of deception, tolerance, trickery and lies.
Two schools of thought have arose from this drama. Those that accuse the men of “playing away matches” and those that accuse the women of a lifetime of deception. “…..The men nko? How many women bury their husband only to get to church and find another woman with children out of wedlock…the hen has come to roost. Make men no cry too much. The women have been suffering in silence.” says a previous victim of a mans treachery.
Another example is of a woman who had 5 girls for her husband. Throughout the marriage he had convinved her that having a boy was not his priority. Upon his death she found out he had 5 children outside of wedlock, 2 boys and 3 girls.
Some say regrettably in Nigeria now, it is no longer a taboo for a married woman to sleep around. Infact many women beat their chest for their “conquest” these days. Husbands they say are also guilty too.
But others who are neutral say nobody realy wins since it is not a contest of infidelity in society. In fact society actualy looses and continues to loose. The thought on the middle ground beleive if men are cheating the answer is not for the woman to cheat. And if the woman must cheat it is most unfair to give one mans child to another man to bring up unknowingly.
As a result of this some have advised that next time men are boasting of their female conquests in beer parlours and amongst their guys they should keep an eye for who may be conquering their home. Many say in the end, men will always cheat. Its in their DNA. Women are catching up. Others say women have always been up there. They are just more discreet. Many ladies advise that “Na who the shoe fit make dem where am.” Women will always cheat since they are human beings. Since nobody is born superhuman. Same way we ask women to be disciplined, we also ask men to be.
Some women have wondered why men do crazy things like kill themselves when they find out their woman was cheating. “Why kill yourself…..Just move on and be fine” one lady says. But the man had moved on na..and was about to marry another lady who is already pregnant for him. So why did he have a stroke. Some say underlying cardiovascular illness, but his friends insist he had not recovered from the heartbreak of losing his family. “I am telling you…Men should just man up, and move on…there are many fishes in the sea after all. If God no give you the gift of bearing children, then accept what you can’t control and adopt a child.” They say.
In all the majority agrees that the summary of the issue is men should go and do DNA test to find out who the father of their children is because the women surely know who the mother of their children is. The Minority on the other hand beleive sleeping dogs should be left alone…..in peace.
In Angola there is a saying, “a person is the child of the mother because only she knows who the true father is.”. According to an Ijaw adage “na woman na’im get pickin b’cos na only she know the papa of the pikin”. In the olden days legal parlance before the advent of DNA there is a popular saying “Fatherhood is a mere opinion but it is the Motherhood that is the fact.”
African and particularly Nigerian Culture has been blamed for putting additional pressure that there must be a child from a marriage. So when a husband is infertile the woman assists by having children with another man behind her husbands back. “Many men do not want to be told they are not capable…as if na them create themselves” Says a young lady from Abuja. There are too many so called societal norms that put undue pressure on people. Many agree that there is nothing new under the sun as these things have happened for ages.
As the story unfolds it has come to light that so many men have died because of this same situation and only a few are exposed. Psycholgists have advised that men speak out and seek councelling when they find themselves in such a situation, since it appears in matters of the heart they are the more fragile party. But the typical male ego will not allow this to happen. As you read this article people especially the men are now seeking opinion-poll advice or anonymous radio complaints for callers to advise them on what to do in these situations.
Statistics show that Nigeria has one of the highest rates (30%) of paternity fraud compared other countries in the world while Jamaica has the highest rate in the world. Considering Nigeria’s population this is not surprising. A DNA expert from Lagos University Teaching Hospital claimed that 30% of the Nigerian men who went to paternity testing centers (paternity testing laboratories) were not the biological fathers of the children in their custody. (source en.em.wikipedia.org). While africacheck.org reports that 3 out of 10 men in Nigeria are not the father of the child in their custody. Experts say these statistics are grossly under reported. But NaijaNoiseMakers beleive that the statistics does not imply the headline because those who ordered the tests were those who had good reason to suspect the paternity of their child and hence conducted the test. It does not represent the entire population but is a subset of population of men representing those who are suspicious. Afterall not all men are suspicious. But if a woman you love brings home a child, why would you doubt in anyway what you see? You begin to see a few things you think are like you.
One thing is clear. There is a new level of consciousness among men. Apparently the Clinics that do DNA testing in Nigeria will be smiling to the Bank this season because there will be many secret DNA tests going forward.
Lets know what you think, drop a comment.
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